by Linda L Lawless MA
In the Dance of Life it is important to know what music or rhythm you use as the foundation of your movement. That background or foundation is called values. Values clarification has been around a long time. More recently there has been much research into creating a global values model that can be used by everyone.
Have you ever wondered why some people are kind and gentle and others are not? Why there are some people you feel safe and comfortable with and others who inspire you? Most likely, each individual functions, either consciously or not, out of a set of values they are acting from. Clear-cut values are like a handrail on a staircase: they are there to guide you, to touch when you take a step, and sometimes to grab for support. Your values can be your touchstone helping you to see the world and to build your life around your priorities.
Personal values are one of the filters we all use, including our beliefs about the world, that guides us in deciding what to focus on and where we invest our time. When I look at a room I see shapes, colors, placement and how I can change things to look more beautiful (Value - Appreciation of Beauty). When my husband looks, he’s seeking electrical outlets to power his computers (Creativity).
What are YOUR VALUES. Many people have heard of values, but are not clear about what theirs are. Values are unique to each person and when you are clear about what yours are, that awareness helps you understand why you make particular choices in your life.
Values are created as we grow from birth to death. They change over time, sometimes are in conflict, and can be different in the various areas of life, i.e., work,home, leisure. They also can be applied differently depending on the needs of the moment.
Here are Seven Important Principles of Values
1 We use values to evaluate our, and others, actions. When you feel badly about something you did, you may have violated one of your values.
2 Values motivate us. When we discover a new way to apply our values it brings us happiness.
3 Values are hierarchical. Some are more important than others.
4 Values can change over time as new aspects of life become more important.
5 When values are in conflict we may follow one sometimes and another other times creating conflicting results.
6 Values are morally valued and do not diminish others.
7 Values are elicited in different arenas in life, i.e., work, relationships, health, and recreation.
Universal strengths or values and their subcategories that have been identified after many years of research are listed below. A sample questions that a person who has this value would answer YES to (Character Strengths and Virtues) follows.
WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE
Creativity - originality and ingenuity
When someone tells me how to d something, I automatically think of other ways to get the same thing done.
Curiosity - interest, openness to experience
I’m never bored.
Open-Mindedness - judgment, critical thinking
I make decisions only when I have all the facts.
Love of Learning
I always go out of my way to attend educational events.
Perspective or Wisdom
People describe me as “wise beyond my years.”
COURAGE
Bravery - valor
I have taken frequent stands in the face of strong opposition.
Persistence - perseverance, industriousness
I finish things despite obstacles in the way.
Integrity - authenticity, honesty
I always keep my promises.
Vitality or Enthusiasm - vigor, zest, energy
I want to fully participate in life, not just view it from the sidelines.
HUMANITY
Love
There are people in my life who care as much about my feelings and well-being as they do about their own.
Kindness - generosity, nurturance, compassion
I am never too busy to help a friend.
Social Intelligence - emotional intelligence, personal intelligence
I always know what makes someone tick.
JUSTICE
Citizenship - loyalty, teamwork
I never miss group meetings or team practices.
Fairness
I am strongly committed to principles of justice and equality.
Leadership
In a group, I try to make sure everyone feels included.
TEMPERANCE
Forgiveness and Mercy
I always allow others to leave their mistakes in the past and make a fresh start.
Humility and Modesty
I’m proud that I’m an ordinary person.
Prudence
“Better safe than sorry” is one of my favorite mottoes.
Self-Regulation - self control
I’m a highly disciplined person.
TRANSCENDENCE
Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence - awe, wonder, elevation
I have often been left speechless by the beauty depicted in a movie.
Gratitude
I always express my thanks to people who care about me.
Hope - optimism, future orientation
I always look on the bright side.
Humor - playfulness
Whenever my friends are in a gloomy mood, I try to tease them out of it.
Spirituality - faith, purpose
In the last day I have spent 30 minutes meditating or in prayer.
There are various ways to assess your values an excellent one on-line one can be found at www.authentichappiness.org. The assessment tool is called the VIA, Values In Action Assessment.
You can also use the following exercise to begin to have insight into your own values.
1 - Ask yourself what is important to you about life. Write a few answers down quickly without a lot of thinking, i.e., my family, my garden.
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2 - When you have written down the important things in your life, and have run out of ideas, ask yourself, what else is important and see what comes to you. These can be second level values.
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3 - Now think of a time or moment when you were doing something and were totally involved and enjoying yourself. Close your eyes and remember it as vividly as you can. Now ask yourself what happened just before the feeling of joy and motivation began, i.e., you were painting a room and had just stepped back and looked at how beautiful it looked. Think of as many of these moments as possible and ask yourself what values were at work, i.e., appreciation of beauty.
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4 - Prioritize your values. Use the “Step by Step” exercise in Wholistic Problem Solving comparing each value with others.
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Apply the same principles to Values as you do to Goals. Ask yourself if you are moving toward or away from a value. You will always attract what you put your attention on so if you are moving away from chaos and confusion, rather than moving toward organization and clarity, you will attract more chaos. Move toward your values, use them in new ways, and most importantly, increase your awareness about your values.
When you have clarified your foundational values, you can begin to increase your awareness in about how you draw on your strengths, and how you do not. Ask yourself:
Are my values used and honored in:
My relationships?
My work?
Do I honor my values and strengths or do I devalue and abandon them?
Do I measure others based on my values or do I allow them to be different and honor their differences?
Learning to identify and honor your values and act congruently with them is a developmental process.
1 Begin with the clarification
2 Increase mindfulness and awareness about how they are, or are not, integrated into your life.
As you clarify and honor yourself from the inside out and change yourself, those around you, who believe they know you, will become confused and prefer that you stay the same as you were. You will need to help them learn to know this new Dancer, over and over again. You will need to do the same for yourself. It is no small deal to change habits and ways of being that have been part of your life for years. Be gentle and accepting of yourself as you stumble and practice living a life with new music and moves. Remember, learning to fall and roll is just part of the dance.